(also, spoiler alert)
(also, spoiler alert)
or, “the movies I’m most likely to drag my lazy self out to a theater to see.”
I realize there’s a bit of time yet until the summer movie season is upon us, but with 2017 shaping up to somehow be even worse than 2016, I’ve got to take what joy I can. So as usual there are a whole bunch of movies coming out that aren’t even on my radar but a few that are, and they are, of course, superhero-themed.
My enthusiasm for this movie has gone from, “Oh, yeah, here we go!!!” to “I really, really hope this doesn’t completely suck.” Yes, at this point I would be pleased with mediocre and pleasantly surprised with adequate. WB/DC done brung me low and it’s so weird to me the studio’s movies are so awful but CW/DC TV is pretty good. And I’ve heard even the comics are worth reading again with the new Rebirth taking off. Somewhere in the vast organization that is now WB/DC, there is talent and skill and yet since Chris Nolan wrapped up his trilogy, that talent and skill hasn’t been anywhere near the studio lot. Still, hope springs eternal and the trailers look good.
I just don’t know about this. Sony’s last reboot was objectively terrible, but I know Marvel has creative control. I also know that this isn’t supposed to be an origin story (thank goodness) and the trailers make the movie look pretty good. Of course, the trailers also make it look like this Spider-man story is borrowing heavily from Ultimate Spider-man Miles Morales and I’m not sure I like that. I’ll keep an eye on the reviews and make a decision then.
Thor 3: Ragnorok
My understanding of the plot is, roughly, Thor‘s on a road trip through the realms to find Odin, who’s gone missing. Odin pulls this stuff a lot in the comics, but with Loki pretending to be Odin and somehow no one noticing (or maybe they have; I’m still fuzzy on the details), it’s kind of important Thor get his Asgardian in gear. Also, Thanos punched into the vault and stole the Infinity Gauntlet, so that’s kind of bad. I knew the Hulk was supposed to join Thor although I have no idea why and apparently Dr. Strange will at least cameo and perhaps have a bigger part. I have to say, I’m much more interested in a Thor/Hulk buddy comedy road trip than another sort of generic “get the MacGuffin (in this case Odin) and fight some one-off bad guy” flick. So far Thor’s movies have been fairly unimpressive to me. My base level to judge success for this movie is if the plot doesn’t unceremoniously ditch Jane for the majority of the running time.
The LEGO Batman Movie – This is probably not a movie for anyone who actually liked Batman v Superman: This Title Goes On and On Like the Movie Itself. I really enjoyed the LEGO Movie and I can see LEGO Batman being considered a break-out character. I’m sure the plot will be almost by the numbers “Batman finds out he really does need friends” plot, but that’s fine. I see this version of Batman as making fun of the recent super-dark, super-serious incarnations. Not sure I’ll get to this one in the theater, though. I don’t know the scope requires coughing up the cash for a ticket.
Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol.2 – Of course I’m looking forward to this! The second trailer has been my go-to happy place. I’m excited not just for the CG characters, but the real-life ones as well. Drax’s attempts at learning any kind of social skills should be hilarious. I’d like to get some background on Star-lord and find out how come once he got his own spaceship he didn’t go home again? He’s obsessed with Earth, obviously. That one cassette is literally his groove. My only worry is that with the addition of Mantis, and how Gamora was already shafted character-wise, that these two kickass characters will be relegated to so much comic relief and Star-lord’s crush, respectively. Gamora is the deadliest woman in the universe and Mantis is the Celestial Madonna. I want to see that, damn it!
Metaphorically speaking, anyway. I wrote how, after a long hiatus with comics, I got my hands on a copy of the Squirrel Girl Volume 1 tradeback (“Squirrel Power”) and how much I enjoyed it. So I decided to see what else was out there. In fact, I got so many tradebacks my friend D suggested I just get a subscription because it would be cheaper. I countered that a subscription would let Marvel Comics think I wanted to partake of all their offerings, whereas tradebacks show Marvel Comics what I actually want. Sure, it’s more expensive, but sometimes the extra expense is worth it. Anyway, I’m on a bit of a female superhero kick lately, so here’s what I decided to get:
As promised, this isn’t a parody of a song but a poem, one which almost no one seems to remember the actual title to. Anyway, it turns out this wasn’t easier but I hope it brings you a bit of enjoyment today.
It turns out trying to write holiday parody songs is a lot harder than I thought. Maybe I should try to write holiday poetry instead.
“Twelve Days of Christmas”
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Twelve merry mutants
Eleven crazy crossovers
Ten rings of power
Nine realms of Asgard
Eight demigods fightin’
Seven spiders spinnin’
Six sinister villains
Five cosmic gems!
Fourth walls busted
Three movie phases
Too many spider clones
And a cameo from Stan Lee!
June of 2017. There are two trailers out, and I finally got the time to watch them. Wonder Woman was, by far, the best part of Batman v Superman: Seriously WB/DC How Did You Mess up Batman So Bad, and I’m glad she’s finally finally getting a movie. My thoughts, in three convenient parts:
Thor on Vacation
I know that the upcoming “Thor 3” is somehow a buddy road trip featuring Thor, Loki, and the Hulk in a quest to figure out where Odin has disappeared to. My questions 1) how does this team-up happen and 2) with Freya so ignominiously fridged, who’s running Asgard? But I came across this trailer (yeah, yeah, I’m behind the times) that isn’t canon but explains why Thor and Hulk weren’t in “Captain America 3: Avengers 2.5.” I guess this is the end of Bruce and Tony’s science-based bromance.
My only objection is that this movie seems to be taking elements from Miles Morales’ origin story, and I’d really rather just see Miles on the big screen in that’s the case. But otherwise, the actor seems perfect, Tony Stark is a jackass, the Vulture and Shocker look like legitimate threats instead of just guys in doofy costumes, and the trailer explains why Peter is so reckless – he’s a teenager out to prove himself, and that is very dangerous indeed. I just hope Iron Man doesn’t take up too much screen time. And if this movie skips over the death of Uncle Ben, I will be very pleased indeed.
Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2
Guardians of the Galaxy is one of my favorite movies for many, many reasons. I probably won’t write a parody summary of it, though, because it’s meant to be funny as is. Parodies are more fun with serious movies. However, if I did, it would be alternately titled, “Peter Quill’s New Groove” because of how important the soundtrack is. Music is almost a character. That, and much other awesomeness, mean the sequel has a lot to live up to. The first trailer really didn’t catch my attention. It appears Drax is trying to learn how not to be socially inept (and mostly failing) and that’s really all that stuck with me. The second trailer is much, much better. Notably the music is much more prominent. It’s also full of little callbacks to the first which give me hope the film makers understand why the first was so successful. And of course, baby Groot. Yes, yes, I know Disney is going to merchandise the hell out of that, and I will be right there to throw in my hard-earned cash. I hope, “I want some tape to cover the death-button” ends up on a t-shirt.
That second trailer is going to be my go-to happy place to get me through the rest of the year. “I am Groooooooot!”