My Fiction – Holiday Parody, Part 2

As promised, this isn’t a parody of a song but a poem, one which almost no one seems to remember the actual title to. Anyway, it turns out this wasn’t easier but I hope it brings you a bit of enjoyment today.

“A Visit from St. Nicholas”

Twas the night before Christmas and in Avengers‘ Tower
Some heroes were still awake even at that late hour.
The tights were hung in the laundry room with care
And Jarvis learned not to ask how the stains got there.
Captain Steve Rogers was asleep in his bed
With visions of Agent Carter dancing in his head.
And Tony with his whiskey and Thor with his beer
Had just settled down for a night of good cheer.
When suddenly the perimeter alarm began to sound
And from their comfortable beds the Avengers did bound.
Cap. asked, “Who would attack on Christmas Eve?”
And Tony replied, “I have no idea, Steve.”
Black Widow said, “Maybe Kang the Conqueror?”
And Thor said, “The Enchantress. It must be her!”
“Nah,” said Hawkeye, “I’ll bet it’s Dr. Doom.
Well, we’re at the cells, so we’ll find out soon.”
And what to their wondering eyes did appear
But a miniature sleigh and nine tiny reindeer.
The security system had imprisoned Santa Claus!
“Well, let me out,” he said after a pause.
Thor said, “This is a trick by evil Loki!”
The others nodded sagely. “Could be, could be.”
“You would rather believe in Loki’s tricks
Than believe you’re standing in front of St. Nick?”
“Hey, Santa’s got prezzies,” Deadpool did shout.
And before any could act, the merc let him out.
Tony said, “Wait, what? You’re not even an Avenger!
How the hell did you manage to get in here?
You breaking into the tower makes no sense!”
The merc said, “Chalk it up to narrative contrivance
And let Santa here pass out some sweet, sweet loot.”
Santa said “For Tony, a part in the Spider-man reboot,
For the King of Wakanda, he gets his own movie,
For Hulk, a road trip with Odinson in ‘Thor 3.'”
Bruce said, “I guess that’s better than more purple pants.”
“On Ant-man and Wasp the studio will take a chance.
Of the Avengers everyone wants to see more,
But you’ll have to wait a few years until Infinity War.”
The Scarlet Witch asked, “What about the X-men?”
“Hush!” said Santa. “The studio will not speak of them.
But since Deadpool here seems to defy all labels,
His gift is to co-star in a sequel with Cable.”
Hawkeye protested, “What about Natasha and me?
Everyone else gets a movie; some even have three!
You’re saying the ‘nice’ list includes the mouthy merc?
He murders people and isn’t a hero and is a total jerk!”
“All that is true; I’m guilty as charged,” said Deadpool,
But the thing is, unlike you, I am totally wicked cool.
But I kind of agree with arrow-boy, Santa Geezer
And you didn’t get Captain America anyhing either.”
“Oh, I don’t need gifts,” said Cap, “Just good cheer
And being able to spend time with all my friends here.”
Hawkeye said, “You are the world’s biggest square.”
“No,” said Cap, “I know sometimes life isn’t fair.
Sometimes what’s popular just doesn’t win out
But we can’t just do nothing but sulk and pout.
No need to start a civil war over a movie quibble
We’re a team, even before I shout ‘Avengers Assemble!'”
Santa said, “Indeed Cap is right; I’m not being mean
I think Black Widow deserves a shot at the big screen
Hawkeye too, I suppose, but this is out of my hands
I can’t make movie executives listen to the fans.
Being in the MCU at all isn’t small potatoes
And the movies have good ratings on Rotten Tomatoes.
May your movies be true to your characters’ core
May Marvel bring home the X-men and Fantastic Four.”
Quick as a wink, he bounded over to the sleigh
“It’s been fun but I must be on my way.”
St. Nick disappeared in a sparkling flash
And over to the window the Avengers did dash.
And Santa and his reindeer were flying in the sky
He looked back at them with a twinkle in his eye.
“Don’t forget you’re heroes and what heroes stand for
Happy holidays to all and to all Excelsior!

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S. J. Drew is an aspiring writer who finally entered the blogosphere to shamelessly promote that writing (as evidenced by the title of the blog). Whether or not this works remains to be seen, but S. J. hopes you are at least entertained. And if you're actually reading this, that's probably a good sign.

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