My thoughts are scattered like leaves on the winds these days, so I present a collection of “the good, the bad, and the ugly,” for this entry. Except by “good” I mean “funny” (at least to me) because that’s just how I think.
So I was re-watching Arrow for reasons, and I realized (because I’m slow on the uptake) that in the early seasons Ollie smeared green eyeshadow all around his eyes to hide them in the hood. And that, my dear readers, is freakin’ hilarious. This show is framed to be this super-serious, super-gritty take on Batman, which is why Ollie isn’t even referred to as Green Arrow until what, season 4, and initially doesn’t wear something as silly as a domino mask. But the dude is wearing green eyeshadow! Think about the implications of that…
A High-Class Make-up Counter:
Saleslady – Hello, Mr. Queen, can I help you?
Ollie – Uh, yeah. I need to buy some eyeshadow.
Saleslady – *Quizzical look*
Ollie – For a girlfriend. For her birthday.
Saleslady – Oh, no problem, Mr. Queen. May I see a picture of your girlfriend? That will help me match up something with her skin tone.
Ollie – I, uh, rather not make it public just yet, you know?
Saleslady – I understand, Mr. Queen. Does she have a favorite color?
Ollie – She, uh, likes green a lot.
Saleslady – Well, here’s our array of greens.
Ollie – That’s a lot of choices.
Saleslady – Yes, and beyond the color choice, there’s also shine. Would you lady friend like frosted, shine, matte, extra matte?
Ollie – Um, dark green. Definitely dark. Not shiny?
Saleslady – Then I recommend either Peacock Envy or Emerald Eyes.
Ollie – Emerald Eyes, I guess.
Saleslady – Very good, Mr. Queen. Would you like to select matching lipstick and mascara?
Ollie – Oh, no. How about I, um, see if she likes this and then I can get the other stuff.
Saleslady – Very good, Mr. Queen. I hope your secret lady friend is very happy with your purchase.
Ollie – Thanks. [[mumbles to self]] Next time I’ll just order online.
I watched the teaser-trailer for BvS and had some thoughts on that. Then I watched the full trailer. Yeah, still not going to see that in the theaters. Lex Luthor still comes across as a twerp, Batman and Superman come across like two tools having a tool-waving contest, and then because WB/DC has no sense of scale with their villains (since Chris Nolan left anyway), Doomsday is being introduced, and finally there’s Wonder Woman interacting with the main characters. That part I actually liked. Oh, and Clark Kent, Bruce Wayne, and Lex Luthor all seem to be in on the secret identity secret, unless that’s just bad writing (like in Amazing Spider-man 2). In short:
Batman – You suck because you’re super-powerful and could take over the world and broke a bunch of stuff!
Superman – I’m sorry for breaking a bunch of stuff and I haven’t taken over the world yet so why are you so worried?
Lex Luthor – I think you two should totally fight.
Batman/Superman – It’s on!
[[Commence pointless fighting while Lex secretly creates a monster]]
Superman – You know, there’s a monster or something over there we should take out.
Batman – Yeah, well, let’s finish this and then the winner takes out the monster!
Superman – Rock on!
[[More pointless fighting while Doomsday breaks everything]]
Wonder Woman – Boys! Knock it off! There’s a [expletive] monster to fight!
Superman – Huh, maybe she has a point.
Batman – Yeah. We’ll finish this after the monster’s taken down.
I’ve had a lot to say about pointless sequels and I lament how more sequels to bad movies keep getting made because some movie executive decided the previous installment made enough money to slap together some other piece of garbage in a desperate money grab. Who goes to see these terrible movies? Whoever you are, please stop. For the sake of the rest of us, for the art of making movies, for even just the overall entertainment value of film, don’t pay money to see tedious, pointless, terrible sequels. This month sees the release of the fourth “Alvin and the Chipmunks” movie to movie theaters. FOUR. Why? Why why why? Listen, I can almost see going the Disney route in which generally one movie is released to theaters and then a bunch of cheap sequels are released to DVD for frustrated parents to purchase in the hopes of getting their hyperactive offspring to just sit still for one damn minute! … I digress. But four theater releases for this dreck?
*Sigh* Time to go hit the eggnog…