It’s October, and my favorite holiday is coming up. So in the spirit of the season, I present a fifteen-minute version of every classic “Scooby Doo” episode ever.
Title Containing Bad Pun
[[Opening shot of the gang in the Mystery Machine proceeding from left to right across the screen]]
Fred – Well gang, it’s nice Aunt/Cousin/Professor/Mr/Coach/Celebrity Guest Whoseits invited us to see Wherever Castle/Amusement Park/Laboratory/Stadium/Manor/Beach.
Daphne – I’m sure we’ll have a great time!
Shaggy – Is there food?
Velma – Is that all you think about?
Scooby – Pretty ruch. *laugh-track*
Fred – Don’t worry, there will be food. And I’m sure the curse/hex/legend of a monster is totally untrue.
Shaggy/Scooby – What?! There’s a monster?
Velma – Of course there’s no monster. There’s just a ridiculous story.
Wherever Castle/Amusement Park/Laboratory/Stadium/Manor/Beach:
Aunt/Cousin/Professor/Mr/Coach/Celebrity Guest Whoseits – Hi kids, so glad you could make it! Let me give you a tour of the place!
Shaggy – Is there food?
Aunt/Cousin/Professor/Mr/Coach/Celebrity Guest Whoseits – Haha, of course there is! [[Gives tour]] And here’s my Assistant/Servant/Student/Partner/Manager Sulky McFrowny.
Sulky McFrowny – Have you thought about getting out of here like we were warned?
Shaggy/Scooby – What?!
Aunt/Cousin/Professor/Mr/Coach/Celebrity Guest Whoseits – Of course not! We have important work here! Anyway, moving on. Oh, here’s Totally Suspicious Investor/Broker/Lawyer/Employee Shifty Von Shady.
Shifty Von Shady – I’ve had enough of this! There will be trouble, mark my words!
Aunt/Cousin/Professor/Mr/Coach/Celebrity Guest Whoseits – And here’s Creepy
Gardener/Assistant/Groundskeeper/Employee Red Herring.
Red Herring – I think everyone should leave before something bad happens… [[shuffles off]]
Shaggy – Zoinks, that guy is creepy.
Fred – Aunt/Cousin/Professor/Mr/Coach/Celebrity Guest Whoseits, what’s going on? What’s with those people?
Aunt/Cousin/Professor/Mr/Coach/Celebrity Guest Whoseits – Oh, well, it’s silly, but they think this place is being haunted or something by the scary monster/beast/creature/ghost/specter in the curse/hex/legend. That’s of course ridiculous, but it is making it difficult for me to keep the place up. But don’t worry about a silly story.
[[Tolerably convincing supernatural vision appears]]
Monster – Ha ha ha! I am the scary monster/beast/creature/ghost/specter in the curse/hex/legend! Leave this place or terrible things will happen to you! [[mysteriously vanishes]]
Aunt/Cousin/Professor/Mr/Coach/Celebrity Guest Whoseits – Oh dear.
Shaggy/Scooby – AAAAHHH!! We need to get out of here!
Velma – Don’t be ridiculous! We’re not going anywhere.
Fred – It looks like we’ve got another mystery to solve.
Shaggy/Scooby – Oh, man.
Fred – Let’s split up and search for clues. Shaggy and Scooby go one way, and Daphne and I will go the other, and Velma, you can pick which group to go with. Doesn’t matter, really. [[the gang splits up]]
Shaggy – You know, if we have to search, how about we search the kitchen? We can eat something and since when do monsters hide in kitchens?
Scooby – Right! *laugh-track*
Daphne – Hey, is this strange piece of paper/glowing footprint/misplaced book/trapdoor I just fell through a clue?
Velma – Definitely a clue. Hmmm, interesting.
Shaggy – Man, food is everything in life. [[makes ridiculous meal]] Hey, did you hear a noise?
Scooby – [[eats all the food while Shaggy is distracted]] Nope. Hehehehe *laugh-track*
Shaggy – Hey, what happened to the food? Well, better get some more. [[Inevitably finds the monster’s hiding place]]
Scooby – Rut-roh!!
Shaggy – Zoinks! Run!
[[Shaggy and Scooby run like startled gazelles, but ultimately have to trick the monster using a lame disguise to get away]]
Sulky McFrowny – Okay, another person has disappeared! I’ve had enough! I quit! [[leaves]]
Red Herring – I warned everyone, but no one listened to me.
Velma – Hmm, that’s interesting.
Fred – So is this thing here.
Velma – Jenkies. It’s all starting to make sense. We’d better find the missing person.
Shaggy/Scooby – ARGH! Monster! And it had a MacGuffin!
Fred – A MacGuffin? Well, that just about wraps this mystery up.
Shaggy/Scooby – It does?
Fred – We just have to catch the monster, and I have a plan that involves you two as bait.
Shaggy/Scooby – Hell no.
Velma – How about I bribe you with obviously addictive snack food?
Shaggy/Scooby – Hell yeah!
[[Fred sets up an elaborate, Rube Goldberg-style trap, and Shaggy and Scooby attract the monster]]
Monster – I’ll get you! [[gives chase]]
Shaggy/Scooby – AAAHHH!
[[Trap doesn’t work due to Shaggy, Scooby, or Daphne messing it up]]
Monster – Hahahahah!!
[[Ridiculous chase sequence set to peppy pop tune ensues; chase ends when Scooby trips up and captures the monster]]
Fred – All right, now to see who’s behind this! *dramatic unmasking*
Gang, in Unison – Shifty Von Shady!
Aunt/Cousin/Professor/Mr/Coach/Celebrity Guest Whoseits – But I thought it was Red Herring!
Red Herring – Nope, I’m actually an undercover police officer/FBI agent/other special agent, and I’ve been tracking Shifty Von Shady for some time.
Aunt/Cousin/Professor/Mr/Coach/Celebrity Guest Whoseits – But how did you know? And how did Shifty look like monster?
Velma – At first we were confused, but then we found a series of clues that through sketchy logic led us to believe the monster wasn’t actually real. Then we figured out who it was, and found Shifty’s secret store of props that are in no way sufficient to pull off the special effects we all saw but somehow worked anyway.
Aunt/Cousin/Professor/Mr/Coach/Celebrity Guest Whoseits – But why, Shifty?
Shifty Von Shady- I wanted the MacGuffin, and I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for those meddling kids.
Red Herring – Ha ha! Well, thanks kids. Come on, Von Shady. [[hauls away the criminal]]
Later as the Gang Relaxes:
Fred – Well, that sure was fun!
Shaggy – Yeah, but can we go someplace without monsters next time?
Daphne – With Scooby here, we don’t have to worry about monsters, do we?
Scooby – [[mugs for the camera]] Scooby-dooby doo! *laugh-track*