A Media Entry – Random Thoughts of the Mid-week, Part 12: On Random Tides

Random thoughts on random media – B-movies, blockbusters, and evil…

Miami Connection – to give you an idea of what a sick person I am sometimes, I seek out internet critics to watch their reviews of bad movies. This is not so unusual. However, sometimes after watching the reviews I actually seek out the movie itself to watch. So it was with this little gem. I saw it reviewed on Cinema Snob and realized this was exactly the sort of movie to treat my friends to. It’s about a biker gang run by ninjas that smuggles drugs between Orlando and Miami. The leader of the biker gang decides to get rid of a college rock band that plays in one of the drop-off points because his sister is dating the band leader. And everyone in the band knows Tae Kwon Do. Because of course. This is so, so 1987. And has such low, low production values. And you actually get full songs from the band and they are so, so lame. Anyway, if you like badly choreographed fight scenes, acting that is out-classed by high schoolers, and a plot that makes very little sense, check this out.

Suicide Squad – Oh, WB/DC, you just don’t fail to disappoint. I really don’t want to be a WB/DC hater, but boy do they make it so easy. In theory, making a Suicide Squad movie was actually a really good idea. It would have all the darkness and edginess that WB/DC is in love with, and could have been their Guardians of the Galaxy in that it would have taken a bunch of relatively unknown characters and made a movie relatively disconnected from the rest of the universe. They even got A-lister Will Smith to play Deadshot.

My first concern was when I saw the short production schedule (I think it was announced in 2014 and due out in 2017). Then came the rumors that the Joker would be in it. Yeah, Harley Quinn is his girlfriend, but putting the Joker in the movie kind of ruins the focus, like putting Thor into “Guardians.” And then I heard rumors Bat-fleck would be in it as well. Oh dear. I was afraid there would be too much focus on characters that should not matter. I get that WB/DC doesn’t have the goodwill to bank on a risk of relative unknowns like Marvel did. However, shifting the focus to their cash-Bat won’t make this a better movie. And lo, there was a trailer. Which I watched, because I like pain.

And it’s actually pretty good. Will Smith is Will Smith, Amanda Waller is scary as hell, and it has some potential. I wasn’t even put off by the Bat-fleck or Joker bits. This is certainly going to be a different Joker than has been put to film before, but that’s not necessarily bad (although he does look like ASBAR tattooed freak Joker, and that’s not good). And then I realized the release date had been moved up more than a year(!). Yikes. Either WB/DC a) purposely exaggerated the production schedule to be able to change the release date for a potentially better weekend, or b) they have no idea what they’re doing and are just rushing to get out it as soon as possible. Given their track record, I’m suspecting b).

Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice – so yes, I saw this trailer too, and it’s pretty much exactly what I expected. That is not a good thing. I personally dislike the premise of heroes fighting heroes (and in fairness, I have no intention of seeing Captain America: Civil War in the theaters unless the reviews are amazing) so I wasn’t particularly excited to begin with. The only good thing I can say about the trailer is that it shows Batman may not be wholly in the right. But everything else? Lex Luthor looks like a poor man’s “Amazing” Harry Osborne, Bat-fleck immediately decides he has to try to kill Superman rather than you know, talk to the guy, Superman seems utterly incapable of making a decision for himself either relying on Perry White, Lois Lane, or his mother (in the absence of his two terrible dads), Ma Kent basically told Superman he doesn’t have to do a damn thing for humanity, and Wonder Woman is there, for some reason. Her two scenes have zero context. There’s no Batman or Superman. I have no idea why she’s there (which is kind of what I was thinking when it was announced she was making her debut in this movie to begin with). So, yeah, this is just what I thought it would be.

Ash vs. Evil Dead – now here’s a fighting premise I can get behind. I actually saw the last entry in the “Evil Dead” trilogy first, but I went back and watched all three. The Evil Dead is a pretty straightforward low-budget horror flick. Five co-eds go to a remote cabin in the woods to locate a missing professor and find that something supernaturally evil has been released. Ash is the only one to survive having had to kill his sister, his girlfriend, and two best friends. Evil Dead II is kind of a sequel, which is to say the plot is nearly the same, only Ash teams up with the missing professor’s daughter (or something) and her boyfriend, and again is the only survivor, and is sucked back in time. Also, it’s a comedy. Army of Darkness makes no pretense of horror and features Ash trying to find a way home and incidentally having to save a kingdom from an evil undead clone of himself. He has to kill his girlfriend again (she gets better) and finally returns to his own time (I actually prefer the theater ending to the director’s cut).

The premise behind the series is that an Expendables-aged Ash must fight off the evil that has returned. He’s teamed up with two young sidekicks, his trusty boomstick, and apparently Lucy Lawless. It looks awesome!

And remember, "Shop smart. Shop S-mart."

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S. J. Drew is an aspiring writer who finally entered the blogosphere to shamelessly promote that writing (as evidenced by the title of the blog). Whether or not this works remains to be seen, but S. J. hopes you are at least entertained. And if you're actually reading this, that's probably a good sign.

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