A Movie Entry – 10 Things I Did Not Learn from the “Hobbit” Trilogy

First – Woot!  200 followers!  Thanks everyone!

Second – I’m only a few downloads away from triple digits on Necromancy for the Greater Good.  Hitting that milestone would make a great holiday gift!

Third – on with the show (which is short).  No, I didn’t pay money to see The Hobbit: The Battle of Five Armies.  I had friends with free passes that expire at the end of the year.  So what didn’t I learn?

1) The identities of all thirteen dwarves.
2) Why were the eagles so darn helpful?
3) Why was there an army of wood elves near Erebor the day the Smaug showed up?
4) Why was Beorn even in these movies?
5) If the orc/goblin army had control of giant rock-eating worms, why didn’t they use them to attack the good guys?
6) Did Gandalf and Galadriel have some kind of romantic thing going on?
7) If the orcs/goblins are split into two forces, isn’t the final conflict technically the Battle of Six Armies?
8) Why was the Master of Laketown portrayed as a bad cartoon villain?
9) How the hell did the orcs construct a giant signal tower on top of Ravenhill and no one noticed?  It was right next door!
10) Every single elven soldier had a longbow and quiver of arrows.  So why the hell didn’t they use them when the fight started?

I’ll grant this – the movies did answer the question, “What was that incident with the dragon?” that Gandalf was referring to.  But with that much screen time, I would have liked to learn a bit more than that.  Besides, I already knew that.  But in all fairness, I did learn one new thing in the final installment lingering from the original set – during the Council of Elrond, it is made very clear that Legolas and Aragorn are already acquainted and Legolas knows quite a bit about his history.  As the movies progress, it’s also clear Legolas and Aragorn have a kind of brothers-in-arms relationship.  So I did in fact wonder how Legolas seemed to know Aragorn.  Well, the third movie actually does answer that question and in a way that doesn’t feel contrived.

Enough of negativity.  Happy holidays to all, and I’m going to partake in my favorite holiday tradition – a Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert!  Rock on!


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S. J. Drew is an aspiring writer who finally entered the blogosphere to shamelessly promote that writing (as evidenced by the title of the blog). Whether or not this works remains to be seen, but S. J. hopes you are at least entertained. And if you're actually reading this, that's probably a good sign.

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