Clearly that last rant went on a while, but I’m not finished. Oh, no, I’m not, and anyone from Marvel who might happen to be reading this pay close attention to the last line. But don’t worry, more Fifteen-minute Movies will follow once all my spleen is vented.
So, despite the stupid, terrible, Scrappy Doo retcon, I kept reading. I thought if I gritted my teeth maybe the writing would get better. It did, more or less. Every storyline that focused on anyone except Peter Parker was actually quite good. I really liked the development of the newly not-dead Harry Osborn. But any storyline that focused on Peter Parker was annoying. It’s a very bad sign when the last person I want to read about in a comic is the title character.
And then it got worse, which I was fairly certain was impossible. I guess the writers must have left some threads open for a reset button in case fan backlash was enough to change the mind of whatever Boardroom level [expletive] editor *cough*JoeQuesada*cough* decided erasing the marriage was a good idea in the first place. This lead to “One Moment in Time” (OMIT, a very appropriate acronym), also known as “retconning the retcon you just did less than two years ago,” or, more briefly, “ARGH!” In this storyline, the writers retroactively fixed the continuity by getting rid of the whole deal with Mephisto. Instead, Peter Parker goes to the same three people (Dr. Strange, Reed Richards, and Tony Stark) who couldn’t fix a bullet wound and asks them to re-write all of time to make everyone forget that he’s Spider-man. So, those three can’t cure a bullet wound, but they can alter the very fabric of reality. Do you detect the inconsistency in writing? The glaring, giant, ridiculously huge plothole? And they do it, except Spider-man saves MJ from the mind-wipe. But in a moment of facepalming angst, she decides she just can’t handle his secret and so she ends marriage herself. So the retcon is rectonned, and now MJ’s responsible for the whole mess.
And the very worst part of all of this is that Peter is more of a loser than ever. He’s not a swinging single. He never was. Now he’s a thirty-ish man living in his foster mother’s basement (or with a psychopathic roommate because he can’t find anywhere else [and don’t even get me started on how awful the women in Peter’s life are being portrayed at this point]). Way to go, [expletive] Boardroom level editor *cough*JoeQuesada*cough*.
Well, that rant went a bit long. In short, this is why I canceled my subscription to the “Amazing Spider-man.”